Thread: We're not all like this!

A Scotsman asks the dentist the cost for a tooth extraction.

"85 pounds for an extraction sir," was the dentist's reply.

"85!!! Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock 15 off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to 40."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin?"

"It'll be good for the students," mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you 5. But it will be traumatic."

"Och now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.

"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary. From his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched, sewn, and is currently split down one side. He asks the proprietor, "How much to replace this, Ian?" The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four pence." Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?" The prop. looks the condom over carefully, and says, "Three pence to repair." The Scotsman ponders for a moment, then says, "I'll be back." Later in the day, the Scotsman returns with a smile on his face and says, "Ian, the Regiment has voted to repair!"

Three men: one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, were out walking along the beach together one day. They came across a lantern, and a Genie popped out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", said the Genie.
The Irishman said, "I am a fisherman, my Da' was a fisherman before me. His Da' was a fisherman before him, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full o' fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "FOOM" the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "POOF" there was a huge wall around England.
The Scot asked, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explained, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot said, "Fill it up with water."

Ear Hair

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the
veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned
both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this
from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair
remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this
under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a
couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know,
I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."