Thread: Some things to think about...

This was funny so I thought that I would share!



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

Caution! . . . . . . . These people Vote!

=======

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

She ALSO votes!

==========

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

He ALSO votes!

==========

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

She VOTES!

==========

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . .

My sister ALSO votes!

==========

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount!

He ALSO votes!

==========

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

My friend ALSO votes!

=========

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet? "

SHE ALSO votes!



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While working at a Pizza Parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6."

Yep, he votes too!!!

=========

Now you know who elects the politicians!

Here's another one, if you got kids, you will love it!


Definitions by Experienced Parents



Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have kids again

Drooling: How teething babies clean their chins

Dumb Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots

Full Name: What you call your child when you are mad at him

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they are sure you are not raising them right

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

Look Out! What it is too late for your child to do by the time you scream

Prenatal: When your life was still kind of your own

Prepared Childbirth: an oxymoron

Puddle: a small body of water that drains other small bodies wearing dry shoes

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours

Sterilize: What you do to your fist babys pacifier by boiling it and to your last babys pacifier by blowing on it

Temper Tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not frighten the children

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman Jammies

Two Minute Warning: When the babys face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into get a sponge

Jack Schitt
The Lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someones says "You know Jack Schitt" Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N Schitt,Inc They had one son Jack

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
They produced four children named
Dipp Schitt, Holie Schit, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt
However after being married 15 years
Jack and Noe Schitt divorced
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and since her kids were living with her she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then knwn as Noe Schitt-Sherlock

Meanwhile Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.


Two of Noe's four children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseperable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.
The Schitt - Happens had four children named Dawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull

Bull left home to tour the world and returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt

So now when someone says "You dont know Jack Schitt" You can correct them
The family History was recorded by Crock O. Schitt

Originally Posted by Methedivine

This was funny so I thought that I would share!



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

Caution! . . . . . . . These people Vote!

=======

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

She ALSO votes!

==========

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

He ALSO votes!

==========

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

She VOTES!

==========

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . .

My sister ALSO votes!

==========

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount!

He ALSO votes!

==========

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

My friend ALSO votes!

=========

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet? "

SHE ALSO votes!



=========



While working at a Pizza Parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6."

Yep, he votes too!!!

=========

Now you know who elects the politicians!

It surely is amazing, isn't it? And soooo funny.

Kozmar

You have been on quite a roll.

Very good stuff.

Kozmar