Thread: need advice

Hi,

I'm having an issue with a co-worker in that he keeps making comments about my schedule. I have been with the company since September 05 and he just started about 3 weeks ago. Its a pretty relaxed atmosphere at work and usually no one questions anyone about their hours. One's hours are between that person and their supervisor, if they have one. He actually officially isnt even a co-worker. He's an americore vista. So he really is a volunteer from Americore that gets a stipend and has been assigned to the non-profit I work for. He is scheduled to work with us for a year. It just so happens that his desk is in the same room as mine, and unfortunately, we don't have any cubicle separaters for privacy.
Everyday, he makes a comment and sometimes more than one about the time I come in to work or if I spent too much time at the convenience store across the street, or saying i've only been there for an hour when in fact I've been there all day. Or he'll make a comment when I come back from lunch, even when its been short. I keep regular office hours with a little flexibility as most of the time I have to go home and continue working. Last night I was up til 2 am working. I have not explained this to him that I work after hours as well because I don't think I should have to defend myself to him or prove anything to him. But his comments are really getting to me now. He seems to be a nice kid otherwise but I just don't know how to handle this. I feel like his comments are very inappropriate and also its none of his business. Its not even like we work closely on projects. Our work is competely unrelated. Any advice on how to handle this and get him to stop doing this?

thanks

Tell him. He really might not know. Bet it stops.

Hi Waitaminute!

This situation is obviously making your professional life very unpleasant, and I can tell from your post that it's already starting to upset you. This is why you must deal with this matter asap before it causes further upset!

On Friday, preferably late afternoon before you both finish work, ask to speak to him privately, take him to one side out of ear shot of any other collegues and explain to him in a calm, pleasant and mature manner (maybe over a cup of coffee in the staff room), that you have found his comments on your time-keeping/schedule unpleasant, and you feel it is causing an unhappy atmosphere in the room.

Explain to him that your schedule has already been agreed with your supervisor and that it is a private matter. Tell him you find his comments hurtful, and that you feel he is being aggressive towards you by constantly picking on you/making remarks to others about you.

Tell him that you have a great sense of humour, and if his comments were made in jest, that you appreciate a good joke as much as the next person, but not if it is at the expense of yourself or others in the room.

Tell him that you do lots of work at home, thereby working more hours than you're actually being paid for! But that you don't come into work each day and gripe about it, because you're a professional and understand that not everything in business is '9 to 5'. So if you don't moan about all the extra's you do behind the scenes, then he has no right to moan about a situation that has nothing to do with him, a situation that has been working productively for you and the company since 2005!

The reason I have asked you to do this late on a Friday afternoon, is that you will only need to face each other for another hour or so in the office, before you can both go away and have a relaxing break at the weekend - it will hopefully give him time to think about (A) what you've said, and (B) his innapropriate behaviour, and hopefully when he returns to the office on Monday morning, he will keep his comments to himself and there will no longer be a problem.

If however he does not want to listen to what you have to say, or the weekend does not mellow his comments, your only course of action left is to speak to your supervisor privately. Explain in detail what has been going on, explain how this is making you miserable, and ask for help in resolving the situation.

Perhaps he can be moved to another desk at the far end of the office? Perhaps you can work different shifts? Ultimately however, regardless of where he is moved to, if he's adamant about carrying on with his comments to other members of staff, then you must ask your supervisor to speak to him immediately so that he/she can explain to him that his behaviour is totally unnaceptable, and will not be tolerated under any circumstances within this company.

That should do the trick! You're always going to come across arseholes wherever you work - but if you can deal with them effectively and swiftly then they shouldn't cause you any further bother!

But you must deal with this! Do not let this situation get out of control, otherwise you will never be happy working there again, and soon you will be craving to leave a perfectly good, happy job, which isn't fair! Don't let him push you out! Remember - He's only there for a year - you're the permanent member of staff - don't let him win!!

You're in the right! You haven't done anything wrong! Always remember that!

Sorry this post has been so long - I hope some of it has been helpful - if it has, why not print it off and take it into work with you - practice saying what I have suggested, so that when you do have this meeting with him, you will sound self assured and your words confident - that way he'll know you mean business and that you're not just a pushover.

He's picking on you right now because he senses that you're weak, you're an easy target (because you haven't put him straight yet), but once you do, he'll soon shut up! Be brave, firm and direct...but always polite! Never lose your temper - it infuriates them, but shows great maturity on your part! Life is a game on one-upmanship....remain cool, calm and collected and you will always have one up on your opponent! LOL!

Anyway....Good luck and let us know how you get on ok!

Best wishes

Tigerlinney x

Wow! Great advice tigerlinney!
Should have a Dear Member's,
column on the forum! Lol...

Loki

Let us know how it turns out! ;)

Yeah I know Loki! Missed my vocation in life! LOL!!

Got problems?? Come talk to Auntie Linney! LOL!!!!!!

Originally Posted by tigerlinney

Hi Waitaminute!

This situation is obviously making your professional life very unpleasant, and I can tell from your post that it's already starting to upset you. This is why you must deal with this matter asap before it causes further upset!

On Friday, preferably late afternoon before you both finish work, ask to speak to him privately, take him to one side out of ear shot of any other collegues and explain to him in a calm, pleasant and mature manner (maybe over a cup of coffee in the staff room), that you have found his comments on your time-keeping/schedule unpleasant, and you feel it is causing an unhappy atmosphere in the room.

Explain to him that your schedule has already been agreed with your supervisor and that it is a private matter. Tell him you find his comments hurtful, and that you feel he is being aggressive towards you by constantly picking on you/making remarks to others about you.

Tell him that you have a great sense of humour, and if his comments were made in jest, that you appreciate a good joke as much as the next person, but not if it is at the expense of yourself or others in the room.

Tell him that you do lots of work at home, thereby working more hours than you're actually being paid for! But that you don't come into work each day and gripe about it, because you're a professional and understand that not everything in business is '9 to 5'. So if you don't moan about all the extra's you do behind the scenes, then he has no right to moan about a situation that has nothing to do with him, a situation that has been working productively for you and the company since 2005!

The reason I have asked you to do this late on a Friday afternoon, is that you will only need to face each other for another hour or so in the office, before you can both go away and have a relaxing break at the weekend - it will hopefully give him time to think about (A) what you've said, and (B) his innapropriate behaviour, and hopefully when he returns to the office on Monday morning, he will keep his comments to himself and there will no longer be a problem.

If however he does not want to listen to what you have to say, or the weekend does not mellow his comments, your only course of action left is to speak to your supervisor privately. Explain in detail what has been going on, explain how this is making you miserable, and ask for help in resolving the situation.

Perhaps he can be moved to another desk at the far end of the office? Perhaps you can work different shifts? Ultimately however, regardless of where he is moved to, if he's adamant about carrying on with his comments to other members of staff, then you must ask your supervisor to speak to him immediately so that he/she can explain to him that his behaviour is totally unnaceptable, and will not be tolerated under any circumstances within this company.

That should do the trick! You're always going to come across arseholes wherever you work - but if you can deal with them effectively and swiftly then they shouldn't cause you any further bother!

But you must deal with this! Do not let this situation get out of control, otherwise you will never be happy working there again, and soon you will be craving to leave a perfectly good, happy job, which isn't fair! Don't let him push you out! Remember - He's only there for a year - you're the permanent member of staff - don't let him win!!

You're in the right! You haven't done anything wrong! Always remember that!

Sorry this post has been so long - I hope some of it has been helpful - if it has, why not print it off and take it into work with you - practice saying what I have suggested, so that when you do have this meeting with him, you will sound self assured and your words confident - that way he'll know you mean business and that you're not just a pushover.

He's picking on you right now because he senses that you're weak, you're an easy target (because you haven't put him straight yet), but once you do, he'll soon shut up! Be brave, firm and direct...but always polite! Never lose your temper - it infuriates them, but shows great maturity on your part! Life is a game on one-upmanship....remain cool, calm and collected and you will always have one up on your opponent! LOL!

Anyway....Good luck and let us know how you get on ok!

Best wishes

Tigerlinney x

Lovely advice. I will pass this on to one off my friends aswell, as he has a very similar type of problem at work with one of the co-workers.

Regards
admin

Next time he gives you a comment.

1. Look him straight in the eyes.
2. Give him the angry face.
3. say this ' The next time you open your mouth and one of your snippy little comments comes out, I will grab your balls and tie-em in a knot.' pause ' Do You understand me?' Well, DO YOU?'

Guaranteed to work!

Originally Posted by Money Duck

Next time he gives you a comment.

1. Look him straight in the eyes.
2. Give him the angry face.
3. say this ' The next time you open your mouth and one of your snippy little comments comes out, I will grab your balls and tie-em in a knot.' pause ' Do You understand me?' Well, DO YOU?'

Guaranteed to work!

I'd think of seconding that assurance, after a careful thought & pause with this instead:

"Does YOUR under, UNDERSTANDS me too? Well, DOES IT?"


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To all the happy mothers,

may your day today be a great Mothers Day !!!